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This year marked the 30th anniversary of Eddie Murphy’s comedy special Raw. To date, it is the highest-grossing standup movie of all time. After watching Raw for the first time this year, I began to think about how comedy has changed over the past 30 years. While comedy is heavily influenced by politics and by culture, there are also many jokes about sex and relationships. Chris Rock once mentioned in an interview in 2012 that out of all the things he talks about in his routines, his jokes about relationships were the biggest hit among his audiences worldwide. He believed it was because everyone, regardless of culture, can relate at some level to difficulties in dating and romantic relationships.

While watching Raw, I noticed some topics that have changed meaning since the late 80s. If repeated today, they would have most likely been blown up by social media before Murphy could walk off the stage. What types of jokes am I referring to? Well, besides his leather suit, I have compiled a list of the top 4:

#4: Women are vindictive and will ‘take half of your shit.’ Eddie Murphy spent the better half of his routine explaining how he had just learned that women can take half of a man’s income after a divorce. Yes, this can be true by law. However, it is too stereotypical to say that every woman is after a man’s money. Perhaps the misconception was based on the idea that there were fewer women than men in the workforce then, and therefore women would be motivated to take advantage of their partner’s money. Yet to believe that a whole group of people would be that vindictive is a shame.

Why this joke resonates with some folks: Some people would believe this is true because it has happened to them or to people they know. However, in the global scheme of things, we are talking about a few people compared to countless people who do not plot and scheme to take other people’s money. Some people might be greedy, but not all people, and certainly not all women.

#3: All men want to cheat. Eddie told his audience that all men have side chicks (modern paraphrase), and men constantly think of ways to cheat on their partners. Just like number 4, it is a vast generalization to say that all men will cheat at some point. Unfortunately, many people believe in this stereotype, just like many people who say that men want to have sex all the time, which is basically what the other stereotype is based on. Statistically, this is not true. People of all genders have different levels of sexual interest and sexual drive. Just ask around. And even if someone has a “higher” sexual drive than their partner, it does not necessarily mean they will cheat to satiate their desires. Give people some credit. This is why communication is essential. If there is ever an issue about differences in sexual interest or desires, it is always better to talk to your partner to figure out something that works out for both of you.

#2: Once a man gives a woman the best sex she’s ever had, he can cheat on her as often as he likes, and she’ll still want to be with him. This one is based on a couple assumptions. First and foremost, it assumes that once a man gives a woman her best orgasm, she will be afraid that she will never orgasm like that again with another man. She stays with her boyfriend even though he cheats on her. Eddie Murphy does mention that after some time in the relationship, she will get fed up and cheat on him with another man “while on vacation.” However, this still highlights that a woman will inevitably face a man’s indiscretions instead of addressing them or ending the relationship.

The second assumption is that a woman cannot achieve her most incredible orgasm on her own, which is why she gets hooked when she experiences it for the first time with a man. People tend to underestimate the power of fingers, toys, etc. Let’s set the record straight: Women can and do achieve orgasms independently. Anybody can achieve the best sexual pleasure independently and with different partners. How do you do it? Through exploration and comfort with one’s body and active communication with a partner. So sorry. It’s not a one-stop shop for orgasmtown. So let’s not continue to believe in it.

Finally, at the top of the list:

#1: The jokes about gay people. Those are perhaps the jokes that would be considered the most offensive today. Eddie explains to the audience why f-words hate him so much (I can’t get myself to write the actual word out). It is probably because he calls them an offensive term. Obviously, the f-word is even more highly offensive today, and I don’t believe comedians would want to be caught using it nowadays in their routines. Eddie also mentioned that the gay male community hates him so much that they would probably hunt him down and pat him down like cops (i.e., sexually assault him) if they ever found him in public, which perpetuates the stereotype that queer people are sexual predators who prey on heterosexual people. The only thing he got correct is that queer people most certainly find his jokes about them offensive.

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I fully admit that I laughed many times and in many ways while watching Raw. Some were genuine laughs, some were empathic laughs, and some were uncomfortable laughs. And then some were full facepalm laughs, the kind of laughter that follows a moment when you realize that a joke went too far. Let me clarify: you should not beat yourself up for laughing at an inappropriate joke as long as the laughter stops there. Most of the time, laughter springs up to cope with the uncomfortable. It does not mean that you agree with the sentiment of the joke.

As a viewer of comedy, you can also be mad, happy, upset, and sad at the same show all at the same time. Does that mean that you should give up watching standup? Not necessarily. Feel free to give it up if it seriously stresses you out and hurts your mental health. But if you can separate your beliefs from that of the comedian, you can perhaps be more comfortable with the messiness of comedy. Like many people in our real lives, we can agree on some things and disagree with others. So in that way, we can laugh at some jokes and facepalm others, as long as we don’t turn our laughter into active hatred for others and discrimination.